It's hard to describe my feelings now, but I feel like describing it here as I think it's the only place I can talk to about this matter.

Sebetulnya inti yang menghantam mood gw akhir-akhir ini adalah... BC. Bahasa Cina. Gw gak lulus matkul Bahasa Cina semester ini. Well maybe I'm trying to runaway. Gw males banget nih senin ini masuk kuliah lagi. Kalo kepikiran masalah itu tuh, aq bener-bener.. ah depressed! Masalahmya, it's OK kalo emang gw gak bisa bahasa Cina. Emang gak bisa sih. Tapi gw selalu nyalahin diri gw sendiri atas kesalahan ini. IT IS ENTIRELY MY FAULT. Shit gw mo nangis kan nulis ini.

*nenangin diri*

Kalo itu salah orang lain, I CAN SAY "GET BENT!" AND BEAT THE HELL OUTTA HIM/HER. Tapi kalo kita sendiri? mo gimana coba?

I really dunno what to do.

I can't forgive myself..

*cries!*

Gw pengen banget kayak Daddy. Dia bisa me-normalize perasaan dan mood dia kapan aja. Duh, dia belajar NLP sih. Ah, pengen banget..

I've been running in circles.. gw gak lulus this BC thing->gw down->gw realize itu karena gw gak belajar deengan sungguh-sungguh-> gw realize itu berarti salah gw-> gw jadi nyalahin diri sendiri->... muter-muter terus.

It's there, the inescapable truth. Gw gak akan bisa ngerubah, gak akan bisa ngelupain. Anyways, no use of running away from it ataupun dwelling it. Gw harus berusaha di semester-semester depan. I'mma show all of you the true strength of me!

Off to Samarinda.. dipaksa Ibu.. -___-